Real Joe

Yesterday’s Arlo & Janis cartoon hit home. I was recently the perfect gentleman, making lewd comments about my wife while she soaked in a bubblebath whirlpool at the Rosewood B&B (Vermillion room) in Hastings last week. And she appreciated me for it.

“I see you don’t like to use that soap either.”

The guy showering next to me at the athletic club where I play racquetball was making conversation.

“Yeah, it’s got formaldehyde in it I think. Something nasty, anyway. If I use it, my wife can smell it on me, sort like cigarette smoke if I’ve been at a bar. And as long as she keeps kissing me in all the right places, I’ll use whatever soap she wants.”

He laughed and then asked, “How long have you been married?”

“We just spent two days at a B&B in Hastings last week, celebrating our 29th anniversary.”

“We got you beat,” he said. “We’re at 31.”

“Hey, allllllright.” I gave him a thumbs-up and he smiled. I don’t know this guy’s name. He’s not a racquetball player, just a guy who lifts weights and takes a sauna after work. He owns a small local roofing company.

He kept up the chit chat. “Not many of us long-marrieds around these days. You gotta keep working at it. Most of my friends are divorced. Lot of ‘em gave it up too early, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, if you can get through the hard times, the good times on the other side are that much better.”

“Right, but there are some people I know who are miserable together and have been miserable for years and they make their kids miserable.”

“Yeah, my parents were like that.”

“Really?” He sounded surprised. “I guess I’m lucky. My parents had a great marriage. Sort of set a good example for me.”

“Yeah, you are lucky. My in-laws were like that, so I did see it some. You got kids?”

And we continued to chat a while longer till we both left the locker-room.

It’s not unusual to hear upbeat chatter about fatherhood in an all-male setting. These days, dads are proud to be dads. One guy I play racquetball with bragged to me recently about how he told his supervisors to shove it when they pressured him to work an extra weekend shift. “I got my kid on weekends. I’m not giving up time with him just so I crank out more freakin’ widgets.”

But it’s less common to hear upbeat chatter about being a husband. Last week, I emailed a guy that I couldn’t play a match because I was “heading to a B&B for a couple days with my sweetie.” He wrote back, “Does your wife know? Hah hah!”

While that kind of joking is still common, I’ve noticed that if I follow it up with some lighthearted BS like “Hey, give me some credit man, I’ve been married for 29 years, the last ten pretty damn good” then invariably I get a response like, “Man, you’re lucky, I hope I can say that some day.”

This short AP story titled Husbands and wives rank importance of sex and love differently is a pointer to an article in the Feb. issue of Reader’s Digest titled (but not available online): Why sex only gets better: Our exclusive marriage survey reveals that intimacy is more satisfying as time goes by, by Joan DeClaire.

“The guys are saying, ‘Now I get it. I want more intimacy,’ ” said John Gottman, a marriage expert who analyzed polling data for the magazine. “And the women are saying, ‘Sorry, bub, I’ve already done that. I’ve got my own goals now.’ “

Perfect discussion fodder for our little two-day anniversary getaway at a nearby B&B this week. Or maybe not.

I’m moving the Real Joe web site this week to TigerTech, a different web hosting provider. I’ve had great experience with them the past year with nearly a dozen of my weblog clients. Terrific support responsiveness… and for smaller sites, they’re a bargain: $4.95/month, include domain registration fees.

Some of the pages won’t work right away, including the audio files, as I won’t have time to FTP them to the new server for a while. Also, I won’t be able to offer the email delivery of individual blog posts for a while. Those of you who’ve subscribed to that service will just get the Real Joe Daily for now. Apologies!

“Across the country, people of various faiths drew on their beliefs of something beyond death to explain the disaster, and to find comfort.” That from this article titled Scientific Failure Leads to Search for Spiritual Comfort in the NY Times.

I understand the comfort part, but it’s not helpful to bring God into the picture to explain the disaster. Like this guy who, by logical extension, holds God accountable for the Columbia disaster: “I know where Rick is, and he’s fine,” said Jeremy Foster, a 25-year-old worshiper who has been going to church here since he was 12. “God is in control of all things.”

And it’s more harmful than helpful to ask God to keep your loved ones safe. “The Sunday before the mission began, Mr. Husband, Mr. Anderson and their families stood near the altar as the congregation prayed for their safety.” Many of those have to now be wondering. Their form of faith has to be shaken. What was God thinking?

I pray, but not like that. I pray that the families and friends of the crew find the strength to turn this horrible event into a positive force in their lives; and that those at NASA responsible for the errors that contributed to the disaster find the courage to face up to and learn from it.