Of all nature’s gifts to the human race, what is sweeter to a man than his children? - Marcus Tullius Cicero
My three sons teamed up with my wife to give me an anti-gravity chair for my birthday last week. And my daughter gave me the new Norah Jones CD.
But the best part was having them pitch in to make me a shish-ka-bob dinner… and clean up afterwards. 
The new issue of Time magazine has an article titled An Rx For Teen Sex: Doctors are joining the abstinence movement. Here’s why they’re now telling kids, “Just say no” . It’s focused mainly on Worth the Wait, a sex-education curriculum in which “…the lessons set forth the clinical consequences of teen sex in pictures and eye-popping statistics charting the numbers of young people infected with sexually transmitted diseases. The take-home message: abstain from intercourse or put yourself at grave medical risk.”
With the explosion of hpv and other STDs, I can see why this program is catching on. “… hpv is spread through skin-to-skin contact of genitals and their surrounding areas, so condoms do not always protect against it. Which means …there is no such thing as safe sex.”
Yikes. I wonder if my three twenty-something sons know about hpv?
Disappointingly, “Worth the Wait is silent on masturbation and homosexuality…” Oy. And of course, nothing about the sexual gradualism of Rounding the Bases, either. (Text, MP3 or Real Audio.)
I stumbled on the pro-marriage website and weblog The Marriage Movement, from the Institute for American Values. It’s academic/research oriented.
Colleague Bill Doherty pointed me to a site by psychiatrist and married man Scott Haltzman called The Secrets of Married Men where “you are invited to help write a book about the techniques for maintaining a successful marriage… share your experiences and strategies. Tell us your stories, jokes and advice. Reveal the secrets of your successful marriage.”
After reading through many of the comments in the Intimacy section, I’m not sure his plan is working. “I was blessed with the libido of a 17-year-old on Viagra and I’m married to the Ice Queen.” Like that one, a majority of the comments are from men (and some women) who are pretty unhappy with their sex lives.
The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions — the little, soon-forgotten charities of a kiss or smile, a kind look or heartfelt compliment. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Minute fractions? I’m still too often in ’significant accomplishments’ mode, preferably those that can impress. My wife and I plan to spend much of the day tomorrow, lollygagging along the Minnesota River Valley. I’ll see if I can keep ‘minute fractions’ in mind.
If you need inspiration to find a new job or career, read this piece by Washington Post columnist Richard Morin: Boring jobs can kill you. And then gitcherself over to Dick Bolles’ web site and get to work.
Some observations after reading this story on Randy Moss’ public apology this week. His apology wasn’t really an apology for his behavior… just that his getting into trouble brought embarrassment to the team and disappointed the fans. He shows no understanding of what his motives might have been, or what he could have done to avoid the confrontation.
But he’s not totally clueless. His refusal to apologize to the traffic control woman indicates that he’s somewhat aware that this was a showdown between him and her. Days later, he still seems to believe that his manly pride is at stake. And the fact that the reporter described him at the press conference as “…nervous, vulnerable and humble…” might be a positive sign, too.
This ESPN piece says that while growing up “…He spent little time with his father, Randy Pratt, and was raised by his mother…” Not uncommon for young black males. In Minneapolis this week, a speaker at the African American Men Project conference said, “… one of the biggest issues affecting our youth, especially our males, isn’t racism. It’s not even economics, per se. It’s the disease called fatherlessness.” And since Randy is the father of two, he’s probably passing along the pattern.
It’s easy to dis someone as talented and rich as Moss who behaves this way. But he’s just an immature kid who never had a dad around who could show him what being a real man is about. And I know more than a little of what that’s like.
One can be instructed in society, one is inspired only in solitude. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Which is why I need to keep writing and walking alone, even though I now have a two-hour morning drive 4 days a week.
We had our first frost this morning… a little earlier than usual, which, given the healthy crop of mosquitoes still pestering us, is most welcome.
My daughter’s carpool has fallen apart so I’m driving her to school 4 days/week — 50 miles each way.
My wife’s doing the afternoon pickup. It’s a lot of wear and tear on the cars and it’s time-consuming, but it’s turning out to have some upside, too. Example: we talk current events a lot while we listen to NPR’s Morning Edition. That didn’t happen with other kids in the car.
But today we marvelled at the scenery the entire trip — the first frost and scattered fog made the country drive from Northfield to Henderson spectacular, and since we both had our cameras with us, we were watching for places to stop to snap some photos (entire gallery).
The weeds and crops are turning yellow and brown and the resulting contrast with the still-green grass never fails to enthrall me. Nearly every rural driveway like this one is a visual treat.
Likewise, every path in my favorite area to walk alone, the Carleton College Arboretum.
I’m a damn lucky guy today.
I’ve never been one to immerse myself in my kids’ homework, like the dad in this NY Times piece, Am I Dad, or a Tutor? Yeah, like some of these people who wrote Letters to the Editor in response to it, I don’t see it as helpful to the student who should be doing a good chunk of their after-school learning on their own.
But it’s also that I’m selfish. I have stuff that I’m doing non-school hours, too — working, reading, playing, writing — and I don’t really care to sacrifice all or most of that time for my kids. I look for things my daughter’s doing that both interest me and that we could have fun doing together. One of her current interests is photography and it’s starting to be one of mine. So I guess I’d better walk my talk.
I guess he’s better than most of the daytime talk shows that I never watch but after reading Blunt Advice and No Pity Get Ratings for Dr. Phil in the NY Times this week, but I just don’t resonate with Phil McGraw, despite his “plain talk, tell-it-like-it-is” style.
It’s clear why he failed as a therapist — he can only give advice. “Has that car affected your hearing?” he thundered at a husband whose wife was weepily describing the damage his obsession with his toy car had done to their marriage. “What is it you are missing here? This is a deal breaker.”
Any therapist worth their salt knows that when a couple is stuck over a problem like this, there’s a lot more going on than the husband’s obsession with his car. So this is entertainment-counseling, not therapy. (It’s to his credit, though, that he bailed on his private practive and started a trial preparation consulting business.)
Phil Donahue worries about McGraw’s harsh approach. “You’ve got to be careful that theater doesn’t overlap the healing.” Not to worry, Mr. D. Ain’t no healing happening anyway.