Real Joe

StarTribune: Franklin Graham defends comments on Islam

The Rev. Graham, son of Billy Graham, recently said on an NBC-TV news show: “The God of Islam is not the same God. He’s not the son of God of the Christian or Judeo-Christian faith. It’s a different God and I believe it is a very evil and wicked religion.”

I wonder if the Rev. Graham thinks that the Christian God of various extremist violent groups here in America is the same as his Christian God? Or how about the Christian God who was worshipped by the Crusaders while they slaughtered their way across Europe a few centuries ago during the Inquisition? Likewise, some American Indian tribes were peaceloving, gentle people, like portrayed by Hollywood in recent years. Others were extremely violent. Was it the same God for all of them?

I’m not a student of religious history, but it seems likely to me that all the world’s religions/beliefs systems have been subverted by their followers at times. God has nothing to do with it.

It is a bit embarrassing to have been concerned with the human problem all one’s life and find at the end that one has no more to offer by way of advice than ‘try to be a little kinder.’ - Aldous Huxley

Sept. 11 may have made ‘kindness’ to be a bit more cool in our culture than before, but it’s still not a value that’s given much attention, especially for guys. I don’t think of myself as a kind person, and I don’t really work at it. I should. Why don’t I? It’s a long story, based on my family of origin. But I’ve dealt with all that, yet something still stops me.

Could it be that some of it is just cultural semantics? “Kind” seems feminine, new agey, soft. Maybe the phrase “going out of my way” is a better way to put it. Hmm. I wonder if it would make a difference.

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. – W. T. Purkiser

It’s a curious term “blessing.” Dictionary definition: a thing conducive to happiness or welfare. Notice, it doesn’t say anything about whether blessings are earned or bestowed or whether we get them strictly by chance. Saying that I’ve been “blessed” with family, friends, talents, material comforts, good health, etc. might imply to some that God has given me these. To others, that I’ve earned them. I don’t quite see it that way.

Polly Berrien Berends said, “Each moment is either a blessing to enjoy (and that’s a lesson) or a lesson to be learned (and that’s a blessing).” The implication is that if you’re living in synch with the laws of the universe, blessings will be there to enjoy. If you’re not, lessons will be there to be learned. The more I learn life’s lessons, the more blessings I’ll be able to enjoy. By that measure, I’m doing pretty well this Thanksgiving.

How much do external circumstances matter? I don’t think most people can be very happy if they don’t have access to the basic necessities of life — food, clothing, shelter. But in this country, that’s not very many people. Even our poor are richer than 90% of all the people who’ve ever lived.

A year ago, my three sons “revived” my dad. I had such high hopes that he’d recover.

I asked my brother last week if he had Dad’s ashes at his house and he said he did. I’m going to borrow a spoonful of the ol’ guy for a crockery bottle I made in college. My mother wants the rest of the ashes to go in the grave with her when she dies.

Nature is the clearest bringer of solitude. Even if you are in the company of others, the greatness of nature can overwhelm the insignificant chatter by which we measure most of our days. – Kent Nerburn

I’ve gone two days now without a walk in the woods. I miss it. I read someplace that when you’re trying to form a habit or to introduce a discipline into your daily life, and you don’t have time to actually do it that day, it’s a good idea to just do it for a few seconds in the place where you normally do it, if possible. It helps keep your brain programmed. I think I’ll do this with walking in solitude. I’ll do something everyday, even if I don’t have time for it.

Yes, there is Nirvana; it is in leading your sheep to a green pasture, and in putting your child to sleep, and in writing the last line of your poem. – Kahlil Gibran

And in having all my kids home for Thanksgiving. And in going for a picnic in the woods with my wife last Saturday. And in discovering a small change in my racquetball swing that resulted in the experience of “flow” on Monday. And in having playful water fights with my daughter — in the house. And in hearing 50 New Zealanders clapping for me after I gave a 20 minute presentation about our Northfield.org Web Cafe on the phone last night. Life’s good. A lot of Nirvana every day, as long as I keep paying attention.

Being alone, in itself, is nothing. It can be a breeding ground of loneliness as easily as a breeding ground of solitude. Solitude is a condition of peace that stands in direct opposition to loneliness. Kent Nerburn

I do like being alone a lot, and I think it’s because I’m getting better at what solitude is about. But I wonder if I would do as well if I was single. Or childless. I take great comfort in my relationship with my wife and children, and I think that, in part, this helps me to get in the groove with solitude rather than heading down the loneliness road. Given different circumstances, I may have more trouble with it than I do now.

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. – James A. Baldwin

This is a more elegant way to put what I was trying to say to Tracie yesterday.

I got this anonymous email from someone named Tracie last week:

I would only admit this anonymously.

I sent this reply back to her, but it bounced.

Hi Tracie, thanks for the detailed note. I assume you’re responding to my essay, Why women don’t want sex with us, correct?

You wrote:
I believe that the reason most women (including myself) are reluctant to deal with our inhibitions is because we are reluctant to do anything around men that will risk our seeming unattractive. As for men, they say they don’t like artifice, but that’s what they respond to.

I think I understand. And as much as we men are at fault for this, much of it is cultural conditioning that we’re susceptible to because we’re not so hot at being alert to its influence.

But a cool thing that can happen in a long-term monogamous relationship is when both partners get to a point with one another where you feel near-total acceptance.

I know that my wife knows all the not-so-great things about me and she still loves me. I can lose myself in sex and not have to worry too much about performance.

She knows that I know all the not-so-great things about her and yet I still love her. She can lose herself in sex and not have to worry too much about performance.

This makes for a solid foundation for really satisfying sex — earth shattering orgasms, oft times — even if our techniques are less than top notch.

You wrote:
Be attractive, be pretty, be admired, be accepted, be loved” are the understood goals that most women strive for in life, and especially with regard to men. We know that most men don’t like women who are “psycho”, “angry”, or “desperate”. We know that unhappiness and dissatisfaction are not attractive. We know the paramount importance of our physical attributes to the male sex drive, and our self-consciousness of our bodies often paralyzes our own desires.

Yeah, a woman’s looks are more important for guys but they only takes things so far…. even if most of us can’t articulate it. My wife is concerned about her weight and aging and all the usual stuff, but since we’re more in love than we’ve ever been in our 28 years, it’s not getting in the way for either of us.

You wrote:
I think it’s more important for most women to be wanted than to be satisfied.

We want to be desired, too. But again, most men aren’t aware of or can’t admit to the importance of feeling wanted/desired for who we are, because we’re so culturally attuned to the sexual conquest/satisfaction stuff.

Anyway, let me know what you think… and if it’s ok that I use your very interesting note in a Real Joe essay or weblog entry.

Star Tribune: Faith sustains police officer, family through his painful recovery

An uplifting story on the surface but their explanation of their faith doesn’t make sense to me and I think it’s harmful in the long run. The officer said, “I know that there has to be somebody that helped me, a superior being … I was saved for something.” His reaching out to others is giving his life meaning, and so his wife believes, according to the reporter, that “encouraging others in that way may be one reason her husband lived.”

This is backwards. Wrongheaded, even. If this is true, then God had no use for all the cops who were killed in the WTC attack. And if this guy dies from complications of being shot, it means God was done with him. And the spouse of the next cop who’s killed in the line of duty should presume that God considered only having them be injured but didn’t foresee that they’d live a life of ‘encouraging others’ so might as well let the poor sucker die.

A better approach is to say, “I somehow managed to live through this, so what gives my life meaning now is my outreach to others…. I feel God’s strength in a way I never felt before, He’s helping me learn to be different, to see things in a new light that I was blind to before…”