Real Joe

Cooperation isn’t the absence of conflict but a means of managing conflict. - Deborah Tannen

Robbie was pissed that I let our daughter ride her new recumbent bicycle to work yesterday. She thought we’d agreed it would be a mutual decision, since it’s a bit tricky learning to ride a recumbent in traffic. And I got mad when she implied that my motivation was mainly that I didn’t feel like driving. But it didn’t escalate. Some of it was a misunderstanding. And she quickly apologized for her accusation. It helped me to remind myself that I like it that she’s a safety conscious mother. And that in the past, I often DID make parental decisions on not wanting to go out of my way. I can’t say we have a perfect system for managing our conflicts, but we seem to have the hang of it.

We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the Beautiful Stuff out. - Ray Bradbury

It’s an interesting metaphor. I like it because it takes the ego out of the deal for whatever Beautiful Stuff might come out. I think I’ll add this one to my FRQ list - Frequently Read Quotes.

My wife Robbie and I started going on romantic outdoor picnics (wine, cheese, you get the idea) a few years ago when our marriage began taking a major turn for the better. We’re going on one today. It’s been Indian summer all week and today’s shaping up to be another spectacular day.

I wonder what could go wrong? A few times in the past we got off to a rough start when I had expectations of what she should wear. Lately, I’ve gotten better at asking and then letting it go if she doesn’t want to comply. So that’ll be my attitude today. I’m a lucky man that she likes being romantic outdoors, so I’m not going to complain.

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. - Albert Einstein

I saw an article on Salon recently in which the author found numerous poems or parts of poems whose content seemed relevant after the terrorist attack. I tried to read it, but bailed after about five minutes.

Later, while grabbing some SOS as I soaked in the scenery on this postcard perfect frosty fall morning, it occurred to me that maybe I just haven’t acquired a taste for other people’s poetry yet. I know poetry is probably good for me, but maybe I’m too shallow to appreciate it. Or my attention span is too short — I’ve got a literary strain of ADD. I rarely seem to be able to listen to someone reading a poem and make any sense of it.

I do a little better if I read a poem quietly to myself, but only if I read it line by line and reread it several times. I nearly always end up asking myself “Ok, what the hell did the author mean by that?” And more often than not, “Ok, forget this one, I have no freaking clue what it’s about.”

I know part of my problem is that I’m too left-brained. Trying to figure out the logic of a poem ruins it, like over-analyzing a work of art, or having an in-depth discussion about the subtleties of a fine wine or a gourmet meal. Don’t worry about it… just drink it, just eat, just look at it, and move on.

This makes sense, but it’s still somehow not quite satisfactory. Not all that different from spending $20 on a meal at a fancy restaurant (here in Northfield, that’s a lot of money for an entre) and wolfing the sucker down in 15 minutes, nary a clue about why it tasted good. “Hey, who gives a shit, I’m full, let’s go.”

Then I figured that if I keep working at it, maybe I’ll acquire a taste. And that maybe it’s not unlike acquiring a taste for fine wine.

My daughter’s been writing poetry for the past several months and both my wife and I were surprised at her knack for it. I don’t see her reading lots of poems, though, so maybe she’s onto something. The hell with other people’s poems. Write my own.

Let there be spaces in your togetherness. - Kahlil Gibran

My wife Robbie and I both know that we like our alone time. We both take advantage of the fact that I’m a morning person and she’s a night person. And for those times when I’d like to connect with her in the evening, I’ve learned that I best take a nap, which, fortunately, I love to do. She hates to nap, so it’s pretty rare for her to get up early to connect with me… she’s then exhausted by midday. II don’t mind, though, since it’s a rhythm to our marriage that seems to work well right now. I wonder if it’ll ever change?

Newsblog: The Onion has some hilarious pieces about the terrorist attack…. not an easy thing to do when it’s still so close to the event and thousands are still unaccounted for. A favorite: God Angrily Clarifies ‘Don’t Kill’ Rule

Newsblog: Market patriotism

Reich: Just before the terrorist attack, the prudent thing for most families to do was to trim their budgets somewhat, pay down more of their debts, and put a bit more of their savings into bonds. After the terrorist attack, that’s still prudent behavior.

I agree. But our leaders are also missing an opportunity to encourage the citizenry to “go deeper” — to use this time for reflection and civic involvement rather than spending our way to the cake of happiness, only this time with patriotic frosting.

It occurred to me yesterday while driving school carpool to take the day off. It was my birthday, the first frost of the fall, and the first sunny day in two weeks. Robbie wanted me out of the house so she could prepare my birthday surprise dinner, and I really didn’t have any online work stuff that had to be done. So I loaded the Beta on the trailer, strapped my daughter’s recumbent to it, and was on the Sakatah Singing Hills State Trail in Faribault by noon. I was in heaven.

I can’t believe how much I enjoy riding this recumbent - a Rans Rocket. I figured out the various adjustments to make it comfy and I just sit back like a Lazy-Boy recliner. I’m surprised at how much more I notice the sky and the clouds and trees. The viewing angle just lends itself to it.

The fall colors couldn’t have been much better. It’s way before the peak, when the green leaves and grass contrast with the emerging colors. The wildflowers are still plenteous and their colors seem to take on a different contrast with the browning grasses.

I rode a leisurely pace to Waterville, stopping for a lunch break in a little meadow marked by a sign “Eggers Prairie” just east of Sakatah Lake State Park. The setting was as idyllic as the scenes from the movie Herman USA which we saw on Sunday. I decided to book it on the way back and did the 15 miles in an hour.

I then headed to the trials grounds for the first time this year and practiced for 90 minutes. I was pretty rusty but it surprised me how much enjoyed it. I concentrated a little more than usual and spent more time in between rides to take in the scenery. And I rediscovered how much better I ride when I focus my eyes way ahead in the section, even when I don’t really need to.

The boys came down for a birthday dinner. Robbie made Chicken Rose, the meal that I’ve always said made me fall in love with her, and topped it off with a homemade carrot cake. And she totally surprised me with tickets to an upcoming Bob Dylan concert.

I’m a lucky man.

If you give what you do not need, it isn’t giving. - Mother Teresa

Ouch. I never heard this before. I’ve always operated from a more traditional mindset… and even then, I’ve been monetarily stingy all my life. I’m more giving of my time, but rarely my money. It would be hard to donate money to charity right now, given our precarious financial situation. Yet we still seem to find money to entertain ourselves. I wonder what it would take to change this.

I watched a PBS special on Sunday night called People Like Us: Social Class in America. I taped it and gave it to two of my sons to watch.

One of the reasons I like living here in Northfield is that it has a wide-range of classes for a small town, unlike if we lived in a neighborhood in the Twin Cities where it would be much more homogenous. Yeah, it’s a college town, but it’s not only a college town, unlike many other college towns. The farming and manufacturing sectors hold equal sway.

We have conflicts similar to what was depicted in the show about Burlington VT. “While the Co-op promises that it will accommodate the tastes of the masses, many Burlingtonians are suspicious of a place they consider too expensive and judgmental of those who opt for Wonder Bread, cigarettes, and red meat.” That’s pretty similar to what we had here in the battle when Target proposed moving to town. I was kind of torn on the issue. I didn’t really want a Target, but the arrogance of some of the Target opponents irked me.

We live adjacent to one of the poorer neighborhoods in town, in a big Victorian-style house that was moved there in the mid-sixties when the highway was rerouted. (It’s not an elegant Victorian, so it’s not as much out of place our street as it would otherwise be.) Our street has mostly working class families — I think there’s just three or four college-educated households on our block. But it’s always bugged me some that we’ve not been very connected to most of our neighbors. No block parties, not much socializing. And after watching this show on class, I think I understand it better. I’m probably as unaware of my judgementalness of them as they are of us. I’m not sure what to do about it, though.