Real Joe

Newsblog: A Father Feels the Weight of His Son’s Sins

Timothy McVeigh’s father is quoted in an article in today’s NY Times as saying, “How can you forgive him for killing 168 people? You can’t. He’s my son, but he did something that was terribly wrong.” (The StarTribune version deleted many important pieces),

It struck me as odd for the reporter to ask if he’s forgiven his son, as if his son’s bombing was directed at him somehow. And then I wondered if it was. This solid-citizen father — church-going, flag-waving, community volunteer — still clearly loves his son. But it’s evident from the article that the expression of it was probably not something he knew how to do while Tim was growing up. Lack of fatherly affection doesn’t directly cause children to grow up to become killers, but it’s not a stretch to say it can be a contributing factor.

Bill McVeigh is not at a point where he’s able to consider his mistakes and shortcomings as a father. If he did, he might have asked his son for forgiveness. And who knows, that might have reached inside Tim’s heart and soul, allowing him to admit that the bombing was a horribly wrong thing to do, and apologize before he dies. His victims’ families, especially those who want to watch his upcoming execution, might have a much easier time dealing with their grief.

I now I wonder what difference it would’ve made if my dad had apologized to my mother, sister, and brother before he died? I got one from him a few years ago, but I worry that he’ll remain a negative force in their heads because he never apologized to them. And I don’t think they’ve forgiven him. I think I have, but I don’t know that I ever be completely sure.

“People of mediocre ability sometimes achieve outstanding success because they don’t know when to quit.” - George Allen

I laughed when I read this. Hey, I’m a guy of mediocre ability! It’s clearly true when it comes to radio, since I know nothing about the medium. Yet here I am, plugging away on a Real Joe radio pilot week after week. Thankfully, I’ve found some people to team up with who do have demonstrated ability and success with radio, so I guess my main job is to not quit. Cool.

“Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.” - John Wooden

We got word today from my daughter’s surgeon that her back fusion from last year’s Scoliosis surgery has indeed failed, so she’s scheduled for surgery on May 11. And she’ll likely need to wear a back brace this time, for probably three months afterwards.

She seems to making “the best of the way things turn out” and her upbeat attitude is inspiring both her mother and me. Funny how kids can teach parents about life.

“This time, like all times, is a very good one if we but know what to do with it.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson; “It is never the circumstances, but only our thoughts about circumstances, that create our state our mind.” - Jane Nelson

I really do believe the philosophy behind these quotes. But it’s a constant struggle to keep the negative thoughts and anxiety about my current life at bay, especially if I don’t take time to write, reflect, pray, walk, or meditate each day. This week, I’ve been in more of a negative rut and it now occurs to me why.

Security is a kind of death. – Tennessee Williams

It sometimes looks attractive, though. I’ve been out on a limb job/career-wise for about 20 months now. I’ve recently caught myself envying people with regular paychecks, a pile of medical benefits, paid vacations, 401ks, and fixed hours. And then I whack myself and try to give myself some credit for taking risks. But I’m also more understanding of people who don’t choose to risk like I’ve done.

“Follow your bliss. Find where it is and don’t be afraid to follow it.” - Joseph Campbell

I’ve found it and I’m following it, Joe, but the fear remains. What mistaken ideas do I continue to entertain? That I’m entitled to success, as I’ve defined it? Must be. Shit.

“The market can remain irrational longer than you can remain solvent.” - John Maynard Keynes

I started investing in stocks a little over a year ago. Like most people I know who got caught up in the tech frenzy, I’ve gotten clobbered. Thankfully, I only invested in one pure-play Internet company and it’s still going strong as a business, even though its stock is in the tank. Hopefully, it and the other stocks will rebound in the next decade or two. I must say, though, that it’s been a relatively inexpensive lesson in humility. And I do notice that many men seem more willing to talk about the bath they’ve taken in the stock market. Maybe it’s misery loving company, but it also could be that our egos aren’t quite as entangled in our portfolios as they’ve been.

I guess I never thought of ‘mindfulness’ as ‘embodied prayer.’ Book identifies physical acts of prayer. It makes sense to me to think of the various religious and spiritual rituals that involve people’s bodies doing something (“…receiving Holy Communion, lighting Sabbath candles, counting rosary beads or bowing their heads to say grace before a meal…”) as embodied prayer.

I’d agree with the author when he says, “We have to start to be conscious and mindful of what we do with our hands.” But mindfully opening a door is embodied prayer? How about my hitting a racquetball? Getting to second base with my wife? Typing up this Joe to Go? Yeah, it helps to be “in the present” during these activities but he loses me when he tries to apply it to everything.

Still, it’s been a long time since I got down on my knees. I wonder what would happen? [Thunder rumbles in the background.] Is that my answer? Naw. But I think I’ll keep my brain open to how body rituals could help my spiritual practices.

Newsblog: God takes two missionaries, spares three?

Peru’s military mistook Baptist missionaries for drug smugglers and shot down their plane, killing a mother and daughter. Evangelical group calls crash a ‘tragic error’. Some quotes from the organization’s leaders:

“It’s an amazing story of God’s mercy and goodness. We could have lost five missionaries out there yesterday.”

“You go into it trusting him [God]. If he decides to take you, you accept that.”

This organization, the Association of Baptists for World Evangelism, does much for needy people in foreign countries, setting up literacy programs, schools, clinics, and churches. But it’s hard for me to see how this view of God is helpful to people. How can it be comforting to the surviving husband and son to tell them, essentially, “Look how good God is to have spared you.” It may be that they’ll grow stronger in their faith and go on to live productive, happy lives. But I’d guess that many others (most?) who are brought up to believe in this type of God, totally abandon their faith and live out their lives alienated from this source of spiritual strength. Ted Turner is a good example.

My daughter’s surgeon ordered a bone scan last week and the preliminary results don’t look good. She goes back for more X-rays on Monday, but it appears that the fusion from her Scoliosis surgery last year is failing.

Like her mother, though, she maintains an upbeat attitude, despite these medical setbacks. I’m a lucky guy that these two women in my life are this way. I need to keep reminding myself of this, as it seems like it’ll make it easier to go out of my way for them, to not place as much emphasis on me getting my needs met, selfish bastard that I tend to be. We’ll see.