Real Joe

If your life is totally dedicated to fulfillment of your desire for More, you will not just feel pain when things go wrong. You will suffer. - Timothy Miller

Ahhh, that’s it. All the family medical problems this year have been painful, but I’ve not felt that I’ve suffered much. Huge difference, according to Miller in his book, How to Have What You Want.

• Pain cannot be avoided… Suffering, on the other hand, is optional and unnecessary.
  
• Whether something hurts, and how much it hurts, depends on what you are paying attention to and what you feel you have gained or lost as a result of the injury.
  
• Pain may be borne with resentment, fear, and anguish, in which case it becomes identical with suffering, or it may be borne with good cheer and a light heart.
  

He’s got some great examples in his book, but it’s enough for now to have this perspective. Cool beans.

I’ve been working on a proposal for a Real Joe radio show and it’s starting to look doable. There’s a guy here in Northfield who’s got radio production experience and a professional studio in his house. Yesterday, he agreed to be the producer for the pilot.

I’ve got two other guys possibly interested in helping co-host the pilot, guys with great voices, artistic sensibilities, and who both know how to be funny on purpose - stuff I’m short on. They’re also husbands and fathers and seem to living their values. I’m pitching the show to a couple of media outfits and thus far, one has expressed interest in providing seed money for the pilot. I don’t know shit from shinola about radio, but guys I’ve talked to who do know radio think that this is a good idea to pursue. Whatever happens, it’s likely to be both very interesting and a lot of fun.

I’m out of cash, tho, so I’m hanging out my online moderating shingle. I pitched a 1-3 month contract last week and should hear this week on it. It’ll give me some breathing room.

Today’s our 27th wedding anniversary. Yep, we got married on New Year’s Eve, 1973, at a marriage mill in LA, primarily so we could escape from my parents and various relatives who were having a hard time accepting that I was marrying a divorced woman.

I’m grateful for my marriage right now. Our history is rich with joys and problems that we’ve overcome. Our chemistry is still good — we laugh together a lot, we’re more affectionate than ever, we like each other and like being around each other, we’ve learned to fight fair, and the older we get, the more fun in the sack (and other locations) we have.

We’re planning a low key day. Robbie’s folks just left after visiting for a week so we’re ‘decompressing’ a bit. We plan to catch an afternoon movie in the cities with some friends, then head back to Northfield for dinner and finish up with a drink at the Cow. I’d better catch a nap before we go. I want to be fully alert for all the evening’s festivities.

Attention is the intention to avoid unnecessary value judgments about your own experience–both internal and external. - Timothy Miller

I went to two holiday parties this week and lots of people spoke to me about what an awful year it must have been for us, with my dad’s death, my kids’ back surgeries, and my wife’s brain tumor. I tend to go along with this with a “Yeah, it’s been a hard year, must’ve been Y2K, hah hah, I’m looking forward to 2001″ etc. and thank them for their concern.

But I come away from these exchanges feeling a little fakey. I’m not glad these things have happened, of course, but I’m realizing that this principle of Attention has made a difference for me this year. I’ve tried to avoid labeling these medical events as bad and tried to just think of them as life. I jokingly call them AFOGs but that’s sort of cynical and I don’t really feel cynical. I don’t know how I would handle really traumatic events, like if my wife or one of my kids died, or if something happened to me like a paralyzing accident or debilitating disease. But knowing that others have faced these things and have grown stronger gives me hope that I could, too. So I remind myself that ‘things happen’. Something could go wrong. I don’t have any guarantees that any of the good things in my life that I’m currently grateful for will continue. So I’ll try to just want what I have and not expect that they’ll continue.

Confession becomes therapy for some Catholics

Man, this brought back the memories. “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I teased my brother ten times. I had impure thoughts (AKA jacking off) three times. I lied to my parents once.”

Good to see that the format has changed.

Gallup Poll: Most Admired Men

Nelson Mandela and Jimmy Carter are still on the list, thank God.

Guys keep their traditional cool

My sons and I are pretty much like these guys, waiting till the last minute to shop. My wife is already shopping for next year. Viva la difference!

Yale students seeking spiritual sustenance are flocking to a meditative service called Compline

Hmmm, I wonder if one of our colleges here in Northfield has tried this? I also wonder whether Real Joe will appeal to this group.

My son read my weblog entry about him from yesterday and told me that he didn’t think I should feel responsible for his problem of occasional angry outburts. He said he thought it was more a result from him being bullied in middle school and high school. I told him that I was also bullied during those years at school but that I thought it was in part due to the intimidation I experienced from my dad. Since I, in turn, bullied and intimidated him at times when he was little, then I have contributed to his problem.

That’s a pisser, but that’s how this generational stuff works if you’re not paying attention to the clues that life leaves laying around. I need to be careful with my daughter about this. She cries easily when either my wife or I get mad at her and I have a tendency to say to her in a stern voice “Why are you crying?” which, now that I think about it, is an intimidating thing to say. I remember getting into a small fight with a kid in high school and he could see me trying to hold back the tears and so he kept taunting me, “C’mon, why don’t you say something? Talk to me! You can’t, can you? Hah!”

Interesting. The more I keep trying to see, the more clues keep popping up. I guess I’d better have a talk with my daughter about this and apologize. Maybe I can teach and encourage her how to stand up to me respectfully.

Gratitude is the intention to count your blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances. - Timothy Miller

Trying to deal with my long-denied anger is a pain. But I can also be grateful for life’s whack on the side of the head that’s giving me a chance to do this because I can see how it can help me. AFOG again.

Miller’s quote is from his book I’m reading, How to Have What You Want. He’s got a little two-week ‘daily gratitude’ plan that I’m thinking of trying… any day now! Maybe it’ll be a good way to start the New Year.

I’m interested in this, but not because I’m an ingrate and need to work on improving myself. I’ve just had a taste here and there of how much more satisfying a day can be when I discover new things to be grateful for.

Today, I’m grateful for this terrific winter we’re having. Another 10 inches of fluffy snow fell yesterday. There’s now a good two feet on the ground, enough to haul out the snowshoes. Yeah.