Real Joe

When my wife Robbie was in NYC for my son’s back surgery last week, she visited Rhode Island Hospital that’s big on fractionated gamma knife radiation surgery. The head neurosurgeon told her that no way was her acoustic neuroma tumor 4 cm… rather it was 2.4 cm.
If true (she plans to corroborate with the other clinics back here in MN) it means she could save her hearing if she opts for the gamma knife surgery. She’s pretty dang happy about this turn of events.
On Monday, ABC TV News carried a story about this type of surgery.
Meanwhile, my son is doing well. Should be back at work in the next week or so.

I haven’t seen anything in the news about people praying for relief from the fires and drought this summer. No self-styled rainmakers cruising about.

News headline: Wild with fires, Montana seeks federal disaster aid


News headline: Texas fears return of dust bowl
Do the intercessory prayer folks who believe that God could intercede with a sick loved one also believe that God could intercede with the weather? I checked the Cybersaint site where they have a Hot Issues page. They’re a little more careful. For Texas, they say “Let’s pray for the people enduring this hardship.” For Montana: “Let’s continue to pray about this situation.”

Another article about prayer and healing, citing studies that show people do better even if they don’t know they’re being prayed for.
Article title: Healing Is Believing: Conventional medicine discovers the power of prayer
Said one researcher, “It was intercessory prayer, not the existence of God, that was tested here.”
Huh?
A quick seach on Google for the phrase “intercessory prayer” reveals some quirky sites, like Cybersaint but evidently many churches like this one have intercessory prayer programs in place… defined as “…asking, or pleading, in behalf of another person.”

News headline: Click for help with your prayers
I had no idea this was going on.

Essay: The Girl in the Checkout Lane

Way back in 1992, I stumbled across a book called Coming to Life in a freebie bin at the company where I was working.. These words caught my eye, and I was shocked. “At the age of forty, one man was astonished to realize that he still looked at everyone as his parent–even the supermarket cashier girl. MORE—>>

My abs evidently need work, according to the cultural standards of the day. Here’s an article commenting on the trend:

News headline: It’s survival of the buffest for guys today
Earlier this year, while working on the Real Joe business plan, I read several chapters of Susan Faludi’s book Stiffed on the recommendation of my friend Fred. I ended up incorporating a couple of paragraphs into the supporting narrative for the Executive Summary:
“By century’s end, the dictates of a consumer and media culture had trapped both men and women in a world in which top billing mattered more than building, in which representation trumped production, in which appearances were what counted.
“The commercialized, ornamental ‘femininity’ that the women’s movement diagnosed now has men by the throat. Men and women both feel cheated of lives in which they might have contributed to a social world; men and women both feel pushed into roles that are about little more than displaying prettiness or prowess in the marketplace. Women were pushed first, but now their brothers have joined that same forced march.”
Jonathon Miles, in a Salon.com review of “Stiffed” wrote:

“Search the back pages of any men’s magazine and you’ll find a burst of glossy ads for hair-growth creams, penis enlargers, videotaped sex lessons: a host of bulletins alerting men to a sad litany of their flaws — in the same way women are still badgered about, say, cellulite — and offering quick, high-priced fixes. But then, truth to tell, one doesn’t even need to turn the pages that far back; the features themselves reveal the shift in emphasis.”

My first career was family therapy, primarily working with behavior problem kids and their families. It’s been 15+ years since I’ve practiced.
So this article, like many of the many books published in recent years on psychology and spirituality, intrigues me. Since I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell it means to be a spiritual person for the past ten years, I’ve made a lot more progress working on my own emotional and behavioral problems than I would have with strictly a psychological approach.
News headline: Can Modern Psychiatry Find Room for a Higher Power?

There are a slew of news stories these days about high school football and prayer. The Supreme Court’s ruling earlier this summer set the stage for an interesting fall football season in public schools.
I like the Moment of Silence announcement that this school in SC will read over the public address system. Makes way more sense than variations of the “Jesus, help us beat these guys” type prayers.

News headline: Official bows on prayer issue

I read John Gray’s book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus when it first came out. But I used it in a way that just pissed off Robbie: “Here Honey, see what he says? This is what I’ve been trying to tell you.” Not a good approach, I learned. Plus, his “This is how men are, this is how women are” philosopphy riled her more than a little. Still, the book got us arguing about stuff that we needed to talk about. Sex, mainly.
This guy is getting harder and harder to relate to, IMHO. I don’t begrudge him his success, but check out his grandiose plans for saving the world. Jeesh.
News headline: CNN.com – Books – John Gray’s big plans – August 23, 2000

It’s been about a month now since my wife Robbie was diagnosed with a brain tumor. (See the Friday, July 28 paragraph at the bottom of the I pray. But not like that. article and the Aug 13 weblog entry.) I think one of the things she’s worried about is how this whole thing might affect our relationship, emotional as well as our sex life. Based on my past behavior, I understand why. I used to pretty much ignore her whenever she was sick. Nurturing is not my strong suit, for lots of reasons that I won’t go into now.
I shudder to think how I would’ve handled this had it happened ten years ago. We’ve been increasingly in much better shape relationship-wise for the past several years, and so I’m more than a little grateful for the timing. I’m confident I can do much better, but I’ve learned to not get too cocky. Old habits die hard.
She’s been gone for all but 5 or so days out of the past 30 (two trips to NYC for my son Tyson’s surgery, one to Orlando for her business). When she was around, though, we seemed to fall into a pattern: the more nurturing I was, the more affectionate she was, and vice versa. She said she really appreciated all the non-sexual physical affection from me.
I wonder if she knows how much her verbal appreciation and small displays of affection mean to me. I guess I’d better tell her.
Could it be that this medical crisis will be good for our relationship? Man, that would be something.

My trusty Palm Pilot Professional (built by US Robotics before they sold the company to 3Com) died a couple weeks ago and I picked up a refurbished Palm Vx from the nearby Franklin Covey store. I installed all the various FC planner apps over the weekend (mission, goals, values, compass, roles, Master Task List, Daily Prioritized Task List, etc etc) and have started using them this week.

I’ve used the Covey paper planner for quite a few years and have benefitted most from the weekly compass routine — identify the important roles in your life (husband, father, friend, citizen, etc) then pick one or two things you can do that week in each role to move you further along. For me, it’s been the main tool for trying to lead a more balanced life.
I’ve never quite gotten the hang of the daily task stuff, however. I’ve used the Palm To-Do list app to make lists and lists of stuff in various categories. But for some reason, making the next step to prioritizing, or even taking the items from my compass and moving them to a slot on my schedule, has proven illusive. I’ve managed to get by but now, as things to do for my own business begin piling up and I find myself not paying enough attention to the more important stuff, I’ve got some motivation to learn a new skill.
I’m also interested in whether Real Joe can help with this, hence the workshop titled Goal Posts . I’m not sure how to go about piloting it but I figure one way to start is by struggling to learn some of this stuff on my own.