Transcript:
Two footnotes to Thursday’s Sex and Affection post, in which I wrote, “But there’s one thing she misses — the pleasure of exchanging small sexual flirtations without the expectation that things will go all the way.”
1. Years ago, I informed my wife that the phenomenon of Blue Balls was not a myth… that it was only some guys who used it as a tactic to pressure their partners into having sex. I seem to be biologically predisposed to suffer more than most from the condition. I remember my first bad case. As a sophomore in college, after a couple of hours of necking with a chick I’d met at a dance, I could barely walk the next morning and was miserable the whole day. I soon learned that even a minor impure thought could trigger the condition. No way around it other than regular rounds of The Five Knuckle Shuffle… strictly as preventative medicine, mind you.
Later in our marriage, after we’d finally figured out the whole affection/sex thing, I told her that she always stopped too soon when being sexually flirtateous. While I loved it if she’d sneak up behind me and played a 2-second game of pocket pool, a 30-second round or longer would even be better. Let the sleeping giant awaken! This surprised her because she thought she’d give me a bad case of blue balls, assuming that the flirtation went no further. Not so, I informed her. I’d learned how to take care of myself.
2. I think it was a John Gray audiotape I heard years ago in which he told a group of husbands that their wives needed lots of physical snuggling/affection without having to worry that it would lead to sex. But he cautioned them: snuggling up together in bed might waken Mr. Wiggily. Don’t be bothered by it; it’s just biology. Just arrange him in a way so he’s not poking her body anyplace. Maybe appreciate his alertness, but leave him the hell alone. Good advice.