A spiritual perspective to life’s problems

A reader wrote:
I have some very tough questions regarding parenting and behavioral issues with my kids. I would appreciate your insight.

I wrote back:
Depending on what your situation is, I might take a crack at it if I can post a disguised response to the Real Joe Blog. I also might refer you to a family therapist. The main thing to tell yourself now is: “If I’m troubled about my kids and their behavior, then life’s trying to teach me something. I wonder what it is? I think I’m ready to learn but I may need help getting unstuck.”

He wrote back:
I haven’t looked at the “life’s trying to teach me something” angle. In fact, I feel dumb, but I haven’t thought about it in that way, nor can I think of how it is useful.

I remember some of the phrases that first jumped out at me from a book when I was struggling in my marriage ten years ago or so.

• It is best to look at problems as gifts to be unwrapped.
  
• Our sufferings are our doors to spiritual awakenings.
  
• The basis of my suffering is my ignorant violation of the laws of being.
  
• Everything that happens to you is your teacher. The secret is to learn to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it.

Yeah, they’re a little new agey, but don’t diss them out of hand. I revisited these phrases a few years later when my wife and two of our kids suffered from a series of serious medical problems. And lately I’ve been using them for whacks on the side of my head even when a problem is so trivial as to be laughable. (Example: It sometimes bothers me to take stuff back to a store. Stupid, I know, but there’s a reason so shut up about it.)

Like most guys, my tendency is to think I’m both obligated and well-suited for figuring out answers to the problems in my life and the lives of people close to me. Be a problem solver. A fixer. Good quality to have, as far as it goes. But it often doesn’t go far enough, and when it doesn’t, I feel like I’ve failed.

Mistaken idea.

I don’t know squat about this reader’s “parenting and behavioral issues” with his kids. It may be that he and his wife are unwittingly contributing to the problems the kids are having. Or something’s preventing them from finding a solution or a more constructive way to handle the situation. Or it may be that the kids’ problems are entirely biological or chemical in nature.

But he’s likely to keep on suffering emotionally until he learns a way to have a spiritual perspective to his situation… a new way of seeing his problems.

I don’t know that I’ve got the hang of it myself, of course. It seems that I do, but what if I was suddenly paralyzed for life? What if my wife or one of my kids died suddenly? What if we were wiped out financially? I might not be able to walk the talk. But that doesn’t mean the talk ain’t right.