I’m starting to rework an essay on prayer that I wrote over two years ago. And this morning it occurred to me that I need (want?) to pray more regularly (essay research!) mainly because I’m sort of stuck and struggling to get unstuck.
Help. That’s my starting prayer, an acknowledgement that I’m not quite managing to lead a more disciplined daily life, one that I believe would help me accomplish some goals important to me. It’s not much different than the first step of AA, I suppose… admitting I’m powerless. That’s not quite true for me in this situation, but I’ve struggled with it enough on my own that it’s time to acknowledge I need some help. I mentioned my struggle with being more disciplined about my writing schedule and tasks to my Inner Circle group last week—-and their feedback was pretty much a blunt “get off your ass and just do it.” That was last Friday and I still haven’t done anything different so I guess I need something more.
So who or what am I praying to? My belief (thesis?) is that it doesn’t seem to matter. More on that in the essay. For now, it’s just praying. So what’s my prayer? Just a simple:
Help me develop more daily discipline, help me stick to a plan, help me be aware of what gets in my way, help me learn.
So what comes to me now as I listen for an answer to my prayer? Apparent Answer #1: Start small. Today. Apparent Answer #2: pray 3 times, when I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Just a silent “Help me be disciplined.” Apparent answer #3: Whittle down my email inbox by 25 messages/day so that it’s cleaned out by the end of the week. Current total: 140. Like an overly messy office, it’s a dark cloud looming over me every time I check my email.
I hesitated to blog this, but I figure what the hell… going public with a plan adds to the pressure/incentive to follow through. Maybe this is Apparent Answer #4.