If you’ve spent any time at all watching or listening to war briefings by Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, you’ll appreciate his Sex Tips in the June issue of Esquire.
Dear Secretary Rumsfeld: My wife and I are happily married, but the spark seems to have gone out of our sex life. How can we spice it up? —Harry Blumenthal, Bakersfield, California. Secretary Rumsfeld: There’s no great mystery here, Harry. It can’t be that hard to understand. You get in there, you do your job, you develop an exit strategy, and you get the heck out of there. That’s the way sex works. Why does everything have to be so difficult?
Pathetically funny is Hugh Hefner’s What I’ve Learned. Some inanities:
I have slept with thousands of women, and they all still like me. | I wake up every day and go to bed every night knowing I’m the luckiest guy on the fucking planet. | The best part of any relationship is the beginning.
You’ve learned nothing about fatherhood, Hef? Civic involvement? Spirituality?