In response to my criticism about only focusing on mothers as the parent to intervene with daughters, Eonbird writes:
The article you refer to neither states nor implies that the entire responsibility for a parental intervention lies solely with the mother. Rather, the author cites research that suggests that mothers may be hugely influential and then goes on to make suggestions about that based on that premise. Focus on mothers doesn’t necessarily preclude father involvement and I don’t think the author meant to convey otherwise.
You’re right, Eonbird, the author was just reporting on research. But I still think it’s a small sin of omission on her part to not say anything about fathers, or ask the researcher about their role in this problem with their teenage daughters. Had the research focused only on fathers’ interventions, I’m guessing many women would justifiably wonder why nothing was said about mothers.
Greg Lee wrote in response to my invitation to comment on the nice guy/girlfriend with a penis post:
I’ve been waiting for someone to summarize this perverted expression of manhood. I recognize many of the traits in myself and my son–all the while wondering what women saw in “bad boys”. This is not an uncommon trait, in myself or many other men I have encountered, who do have a thinly veiled “nice face” hiding a rage that appears inexplicable. As I am getting remarried I have promised myself that I won’t make the same mistake twice — I will support my wife in her chosen roles, take her advice under consideration, drop the arrogance, and provide for our new family. I will also be taking care of myself and recognize that conflict is unavoidable and necessary for a healthy relationship. I don’t need to hide the essence of my being by playing the role of the self-effacing, limp-wristed diplomat. Who needs (or wants) a man without passion, strength, vision and drive? A description of this type of woman is subject matter for another email. A girl with a penis? — an apt description.
And on the same subject, Eonbird wrote:
Glover’s article annoys me on several levels. Largely because he conflates negative and potentially destructive patterns of behavior (passivity, conflict avoidance) with gender – specifically, the female gender. Passivity and passive aggression are closely related to contempt. Though Glover and his adherents strive to and may have succeeded in eradicating passivity from themselves, I doubt they jettisoned contempt (e.g.,Glover’s instruction to men that they not listen to their wives ‘chatter’). Secondly, the patterns of behavior Glover upholds as being uniquely and ideally manly (protecting and providing) are neither. Women and men are supposed to provide for and protect their spouses and children. What Glover should be telling men is how to be a rock that listens; but no woman’s stepping stone.
Greg, I agree, I think Glover is onto something here. My marriage started out with me being Mr. Passive Aggressive and we soon landed in therapy where learning how to fight (but fight fair) was the first lesson.
I also agree with several of your points, Eonbird. Chattering wives? Yeah, we just tackled this in my marriage. I’d simply tune out and not respond — maybe not quite with contempt, but I came to see how completely ignoring is disrespectful. I wouldn’t do it to a woman I was dating, why do it to my wife? So now I make a deliberate attempt to grunt out a short, small-talk response, usually followed by “See, I’m making small-talk!” which makes her laugh. And my wife has been clearly ‘protective’ of our kids in many more ways than I’ve been while they were growing up… safety and illness stuff especially.
I’ve ordered Glover’s book and will take a closer look at his No More Mr. Nice Guy web site.