A study published this week asserts that “Children in joint physical or legal custody were better adjusted than children in sole-custody settings, but no different from those in intact families.” The StarTribune ran a story on it to give it some local spin.
Makes sense. My attention goes into high-alert whenever single dads I know start talking about their visitation rights and the myriad of other dealings with their ex-wives about their kids. I ask a lot of questions to try to understand their situation, and I look for ways to hand out a few kudos if I think they’re being responsible dads. It’s leftover behavior from my days as a family therapist more than twenty years ago. I think I keep doing it because I know how important it is to kids to have their dads as involved in their lives as their moms.
Earlier this week I heard a guy in the lockerroom at my racquetball club giving a single dad shit for not showing up at the bar the previous night. The dad said something had come up with his kids, and the other guy did the all-too-common, half-joking/half-serious, “Oh, c’mon man, you could’ve gotten a frigging babysitter.” I didn’t want to be too preachy but I didn’t hesitate: “Hey, he’s just being a good dad.” And the other guy quickly responded with a laugh, “Yeah, I know, I’m just giving him shit.” Maybe so, I thought, but that kind of talk does have influence on some guys.
Related story (Real Audio) on NPR’s ATC this week: “Researchers have found that there are many so-called “dead-beat” dads that would gladly pay child support if they could afford it. The Fathers At Work program is designed to help men with low incomes or no incomes support their families and move out of poverty.”