Yesterday’s reports of the day after were grim and disturbing, but I found the stories of people calling their loved ones as they were about to die to be as inspiring as they were sad. (9/18 update: See the The Last Phone Call piece at the bottom of the Time magazine article titled Facing the End.)
I try to imagine myself doing this, calling my wife Robbie to say goodbye. What would I want to say? Here’s my first take on it:
“Hey Sweetie, I’m in a tight spot here and it doesn’t look like I’ll be able to make it out alive, so I wanted to call you. I’m so glad to have known and loved you, to have made a life together that I’ve cherished. I’m a better man because of you. And after grieving for me for a little while, then I hope you move on, do what needs to be done to be happy and keep contributing to the world like always.
I hope you find someone else to love and grow old with. Use what we learned in our marriage to make that relationship as rich and deep as it can be. I want that for you. We’re both lucky to have lived a rich and rewarding life together. 28 years – not bad, eh? I know, I was hoping to add at least 50 and maybe 75 more to that but shit happens and we’ve been luckier than most. So goodbye now. I’ll be holding you in my heart all the way to the end. Thanks for being there with me. I love you.”
If I had time to call my kids, what would I want to say?
“Hey kids, it’s your pappy! It looks like I’m not going to make it here, so I thought I’d call you to say goodbye. I’m so glad and lucky to have been your father, to have enjoyed the years with you and seen you grow into young adults that I’m both proud of and enjoy being around. I’m so pleased that you guys like one another and enjoy being around each other. Don’t ever take that for granted… work at it, like you’d work at any other relationship.
You are part of my legacy, my afterlife. So I hope you do what needs to be done to live a satisfying life, full of enjoyment as well as contributions to the world that live on after you. I’d be pleased. After you’re done grieving for me, I hope you carry me in your hearts in a way that feels good. I’ll carry you in my heart right up to the end. And that feels good. Thanks for being there with me. I love you.”
Is this grim to write this? I don’t think so, but maybe Robbie and the kids will, so I’ll guess I’ll ask them. But to me, it’s good to say it now. Any of us could die without having a chance to say these things to our loved ones, so why the hell not now?