Today is Memorial Day and I’m going down to the services at Bridge Square, the park in the center of Northfield. I’ve always been haunted by the notion of the ultimate sacrifice – dying in a war. I found myself tearing up on Saturday, listening to Garrison Keillor’s News from Lake Wobegon where he recounts the speech that an old vet gave at a Memorial Day service. It included two minutes of silence that triggered tears throughout the whole audience. I also teared up listening to an NPR piece on the history of taps. I remember being haunted for years afterwards by the movie Gallipoli. I remember crying at the Vietnam Memorial in Wash DC, even though I don’t know anyone whose name is on The Wall.
I think part of my struggle is because I’ve doubted my ability to die for my country, should the time ever come to do it. Maybe it’s feeling shame about this. Maybe it’s just feeling awe of those who did it. I think particularly of the character played by Tom Hanks in the movie Saving Private Ryan. A teacher. A real joe. A leader. Beset by emotional turmoil yet unwavering in his duty. I think I’d like to watch the movie again. And Gallipoli too.