Everyone wants about the same things that we want, for about the same reasons. We differ only in the strategies we choose and the opportunities and talents we have available. – Timothy Miller
More thoughts about this issue of compassion. My blood routinely boils when I’m in the fast lane on a crowded freeway, leaving enough space (but not too much IMHO) between me and the car in front of me, and some jerk comes up behind me, tailgates for a while, then pulls around me and squeezes back in my lane in front of me.
He (it’s always a guy) has gained but a few thousands of a second in time towards his destination. “You miserable pigf***king sonuvabitch” is one of many versions of what I usually say out loud. And if I can anticipate a driver doing this to me, I’ll sometimes actually speed up as he tries to pass me, preventing him from wedging his way in front of me. Of course, this means that I become a tailgater, risking a rear-end collision. And on more than one occasion, it’s come close to triggering a road rage incident as the guy flips me off and shouts expletives my direction.
I’ve consciously tried to quit reacting this way, telling myself to just cool it, don’t try to control other drivers, don’t take it personally, etc. etc. And that has helped some. But Miller’s suggests (in his book “How to Want What You Have“) that once you’re aware of these kind of non-compassionate thoughts, it helps to actually cook up a compassionate thought to replace it.
So in the case of a stupid asshole driver, it might be something like “Ah, well, this is this guy’s way of feeling powerful and assertive. Maybe he doesn’t have any other way to experience that in his life right now. I know what it’s like to feel that way. In fact, my reaction to him is my goofball way of trying to feel powerful and assertive. We’re really not any different.”
I’ll try it this week and see what happens. Seems like it will make a difference.