We carry our nemesis within us; yesterday’s self-admiration is the legitimate father of today’s feeling of guilt. – Dag Hammarskjold
When I read the newspaper article this morning that Dale Earnhardt was killed at the Daytona 500 yesterday, I thought, “Well, it’s too bad but at least the guy died doing something he loved. He had a great career.”
Then I heard a radio story about about how he refused to use the HANS device (Head and Neck Support) designed to reduce head and neck injuries, how he was the only driver on the circuit to not wear a full-face helmet, how he’d left a wife and four kids behind, including a 12-year old daughter.
And it made me wonder what mistaken ideas this guy was operating under that, at 49 years old and a multi-millionare, he’d chosen to keep participating in such a dangerous sport and refuse to take safety precautions that even his fellow competitors were taking. Were there childhood-based demons haunting him? Was he caught up in the cultural adulation of being a tough guy, The Intimidator, in a tough guy sport? Was he suffering from self-admiration?
They’ll perform an autopsy to see what injuries he actually died from, they’ll analyze the details of how the crash happened, they’ll review the rule changes that were designed to make this year’s race more exciting that last year’s yawner.
But it’s probably safe to say that there won’t be any speculation about whether it was really mistaken ideas that killed him. And it makes me realize my own ongoing struggle with self-admiration. Something tragic like this could have easily have happened, and still could happen to me. But more likely, it’ll rear its head in smaller ways, fathering feelings of guilt for yesterday’s behavior.