Today, my wife Robbie did one of those little things that goes a long way to making our marriage work. A week or so ago, we had an argument about some damn thing, I don’t remember what. One of the things I threw into the mix was that she was criticizing me for not doing small stuff instead of noticing and appreciating me when I did do them. Positive reinforcement, instead of negative, to put it in Skinnerian terms. For example, instead of complaining when I don’t phone her or leave a note as to my whereabouts, it works much better for her to make a big deal about it when I do by giving me a a juicy smooch, leaving a love note, voicemail, or email. I’m a sucker for that kind of appreciation.
Yesterday, while she was doing a lot of xmas preparation, I was off playing racquetball, shoveling, shopping, writing, walking in the woods, and in general, not around very much. Instead of confronting me with her annoyance about my ‘distance’, she snuggled up to me with a loving hug and said “I missed you today” and left it at that. I knew what she meant, and besides getting the message, I appreciate it hugely that she remembered our conversation from a week ago and went out of her way to change her approach. It makes a huge difference to me, and today I’ll be way more willing to be around the house and pitch in with all the myriad tasks that need doing on xmas eve.
Last night after taking her folks back to their hotel, we went down to the Contented Cow and had a hot buttered rum and an ameretto cider and just chatted like a couple of lovebirds. I’m a lucky man.