The therapist told me I have to be angry for the amount of caretaking and peacemaking I’ve done all my life with my parents and family, that I couldn’t just be a kid and have them nurture me, that I’ve been sort of a parent to my parents. Oy.
I really don’t feel angry, though I can’t deny that something violent in me gets triggered by the dog. And I can see how my sister’s anger could get more extreme the more that I keep mine hidden and suppressed from even my awareness. Maybe Robbie’s right… reading a eulogy where I’m grateful to my dad for certain things would be inappropriate, since it would just reinforce this family system dynamic. I better keep it to myself for now.
So I have some homework to do but I don’t know how to go about doing it exactly. The therapist suggested punching pillows or a whacking a tennis racquet on something but I don’t know if that would do it for me. I guess I could try it. I might have to write up a script first so that I could say stuff that would get me in a violent mood.