My dad died about a half hour ago. I saw him on Saturday, and I could tell that it wouldn’t be too long. He’d stop breathing for 30 seconds or more and then take big breaths in between.
My brother and I are meeting my mom for lunch to talk about how she’d like to handle the services. He’ll be cremated but I’m hoping his doctor will order an autopsy done first, since they never did figure out what went wrong.
I’m not feeling particularly sad right now. Yeah, I wanted him to come around enough so that he could say goodbye. But I said my goodbyes already and it’s better for my mom that he didn’t linger a long time. Still, maybe it’s worth one more shot.
Goodbye, ol’ Pappy. I don’t know if you’re in a better place, but you already are in a better place in my heart. I know I made you proud sometimes and I know I disappointed you plenty, but that’s all passed now. All I have is our relationship which I hope continues to grow as I keep trying to make sense of it.
I’m surprised now that my sadness comes and I weep hard for a couple of minutes. But it passes quickly and I’m looking forward to what life has in store for me to learn today.