“After kids, everything changes. We’re having sex about every three months. If I have sex, I know my quarterly estimated taxes must be due. And if it’s oral sex, I know it’s time to renew my driver’s license.” – Ray Romano (Everybody Loves Raymond)
Newsweek’s cover story No sex please, we’re married (last week) is worth the read. Yes, it’s the usual stuff about hectic schedules but the solutions are right on:
1) It’s better to schedule sex than to wait till you’re both in the mood
“But a new breed of marriage therapists take a more action-oriented approach… scheduling time together is essential. Use the time to have sex… just do it. Don’t wait until you’re in the mood. And view thoughtful gestures, such as letting your spouse sleep in, as foreplay. “
2) Woman are more likely pissed, not too tired to have sex
“A lot of women out there are mad. Working mothers, stay-at-home moms, even women without kids. They’re mad that their husband couldn’t find the babysitter’s home number if his life depended on it. Mad that he would never think to pick up diapers or milk on his way home. Mad that he doesn’t have to sing all the verses of “The Wheels on the Bus” while trying to blow-dry his hair. Those of us who were weaned on “Fear of Flying” or “Our Bodies, Ourselves” understand that we’re responsible for our own orgasms. But then couldn’t somebody else take responsibility for the laundry once in a while?…. Maybe she should persuade him to help out a little more around the house. After all, we know there’s nothing sexier these days than a man who takes out the trash without being asked.”
I gave this card to my wife for Mother’s Day. Dirty Dustin and Wilbur the Listener — my heroes.
And here’s some hard-core (heh) research to back this up:
Housework my be newest turn-on is the headline of a short blurb in the Star Tribune, authored by Richard Morin from the Washington Post. It’s a reference to this study: When dads clean house, it pays off big time: UC Riverside sociologists say men likely to have better behaved children and wives who find them more sexually attractive.
“According to separate research conducted in the “love labs” of Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington, when men contribute more domestic labor, their wives may be more likely to get “in the mood.” Coltrane said wives may be less stressed over balancing work and home. In addition, Coltrane, Gottman, and other social scientists report that wives interpret husbands’ domestic contributions as a sign of love and caring and are therefore more sexually attracted to their mates.”